Family Business Workplace Conflict Resolution

Conflict in workplace is often the result of simple miscommunications.

If you remember the often quoted phrase from Lewis Carroll in his treatise on real life, Alice in Wonderland, “I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant” then you know what it’s like when something you said gets taken out of context and reinterpreted – creating conflict where none was intended.

How many times have you had a thought or a feeling, based on a comment received – which you naturally screened through your own automatic filter “what did he mean by that”, in an attempt to sort what was said from what you think was meant?

It seems that every inbound communication is subject to interpretation beyond the actual words used based on your history with the person involved, your mood, their attitude, and your perception of what you think they believe is it for them.

This instantaneous decoding formula, applied to every communication uniquely, creates a filter on the fly that allows you to respond in the way you feel will be most accurate under the circumstances.

Whether or not you actually interpreted what they said and what they meant – remember the old expression “garbage in garbage out” – determines whether you actually understand how you should respond to them.

When I have a thought or a feeling and attempt to communicate it with someone else I use the words I think, based on my automatic screening process, accurately communicate what I want them to hear.

Naturally the interference that results – between  what I think my words mean, their screening process decoding their interpretation of the words based on how I have used them before and what they typically mean, and what each of us are expecting it all to mean – really makes me wonder how we are ever able to actually carry on a meaningful conversation.

Since 99.99% of our communications are meaningless the effects of this multidimensional instantaneous two way screen, encode, transmit, receive, decode, screen, understand process – does not matter a lot.

If we are talking about last night’s ball game or next week’s party – we will take the time to sort out our communications until we are all clear about what’s being said.

Unfortunately our workplace communications have the additional baggage associated with our past relationships of cooperation, competition, and our natural desire to get over on the other person. The resulting miscommunications lead to conflict which leads to a reduction in our individual, team, and organizational effectiveness.
             
Is there a simple way to defuse the resulting conflicts in workplace? Is it necessary that every miscommunication related conflict be dealt with on purpose in a formal way? Or do we need an informal “workplace conflict resolution” process? On the other hand do we need any kind of conflict resolution process at all? As always, it depends.

Ideally we would respond diplomatically and tactfully where we feel a simple explanation of what we are trying to communicate seems to be making the other person uncomfortable. Asking them to repeat back to you what they heard to make sure they are actually hearing what you meant is a simple and yet very effective diffuser of future conflict.

Do they even care about what you’re saying? And how can you deal with the person without further igniting an already volatile situation? Your own answers to these questions will tell you whether a next step beyond more clearly defined discussion points are likely to be required.

For some of us it is more difficult than others to respond diplomatically, tactfully and respectfully when there seems to be a misunderstanding brewing – we expect them to try harder to understand what we’re getting at.

If handled correctly a simple willingness to open up and at least share responsibility for being better understood may be the most dynamic and powerful tool you can use when communicating with a coworker. Typically, individuals are more likely to respond to a respectful approach better than any other.

It is well documented that when each party to a communication really wants to clearly understand what the other person means by the words they are using – where these two people share goodwill toward one another, an environment can be quickly created and easily maintained that fosters cooperation in all things.

Like anything that is planted in fertile soil, tended to, nourished, and fed regularly – shared goals for the future will over take and eventually crowd out all miscommunications, misunderstandings, and the resulting conflict in workplace.

Recommended Reading

• Conflict in Workplace: Your Good People Quit
• A Special Cost of Conflict Calculator Can Demonstrate The Urgency of Facing Workplace Conflict in The Company
• How to Deal with Difficult People at Work
• Do You Earnestly Believe That It’s The Apparent Workplace Conflict That’s Derailing Your Company’s Sales?
• The Complete Guide to Conflict Resolution in the Workplace

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