Family Business Workplace Conflict Resolution » Conflict Strategies

What do you think you’re worth?

admin — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 01:13:59 +0000

What do you think you’re worth?
by Steven J. Brams

Bonuses are a fact of business life. Last year the Guardian newspaper calculated that the cash rewards paid to London’s financial chiefs comfortably outstripped the UK’s entire transport budget.

With such large sums at stake, envy is bound to raise its ugly head, never a good thing for company morale. So how should you decide who gets how much? Steven J. Brams suggests a method that’s not only fair, but also encourages honesty.

What’s a fair share?

One of the most difficult problems managers face is how to allocate bonuses to members of a team when there is scant information on the contribution of each member to the team’s success.

It shows how an algorithm can be used to determine how bonuses (if they still exist!) can be allocated to employees, which a mediator could apply in the workplace.

Take a look at this most interesting and useful tool for measuring – how much you or they are worth.

How We Miscommunicate Makes Workplace Conflict Resolution More Difficult

admin — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 06:00:59 +0000

Conflict in workplace is often the result of simple miscommunications.

If you remember the often quoted phrase from Lewis Carroll in his treatise on real life, Alice in Wonderland, “I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant” then you know what it’s like when something you said gets taken out of context and reinterpreted – creating conflict where none was intended.

How many times have you had a thought or a feeling, based on a comment received – which you naturally screened through your own automatic filter “what did he mean by that”, in an attempt to sort what was said from what you think was meant?

It seems that every inbound communication is subject to interpretation beyond the actual words used based on your history with the person involved, your mood, their attitude, and your perception of what you think they believe is it for them.

This instantaneous decoding formula, applied to every communication uniquely, creates a filter on the fly that allows you to respond in the way you feel will be most accurate under the circumstances.

Whether or not you actually interpreted what they said and what they meant – remember the old expression “garbage in garbage out” – determines whether you actually understand how you should respond to them.

When I have a thought or a feeling and attempt to communicate it with someone else I use the words I think, based on my automatic screening process, accurately communicate what I want them to hear.

Naturally the interference that results – between what I think my words mean, their screening process decoding their interpretation of the words based on how I have used them before and what they typically mean, and what each of us are expecting it all to mean – really makes me wonder how we are ever able to actually carry on a meaningful conversation.

Since 99.99% of our communications are meaningless the effects of this multidimensional instantaneous two way screen, encode, transmit, receive, decode, screen, understand process – does not matter a lot.

If we are talking about last night’s ball game or next week’s party – we will take the time to sort out our communications until we are all clear about what’s being said.

Unfortunately our workplace communications have the additional baggage associated with our past relationships of cooperation, competition, and our natural desire to get over on the other person. The resulting miscommunications lead to conflict which leads to a reduction in our individual, team, and organizational effectiveness.

Is there a simple way to defuse the resulting conflicts in workplace? Is it necessary that every miscommunication related conflict be dealt with on purpose in a formal way? Or do we need an informal “workplace conflict resolution” process? On the other hand do we need any kind of conflict resolution process at all? As always, it depends.

Ideally we would respond diplomatically and tactfully where we feel a simple explanation of what we are trying to communicate seems to be making the other person uncomfortable. Asking them to repeat back to you what they heard to make sure they are actually hearing what you meant is a simple and yet very effective diffuser of future conflict.

Do they even care about what you’re saying? And how can you deal with the person without further igniting an already volatile situation? Your own answers to these questions will tell you whether a next step beyond more clearly defined discussion points are likely to be required.

For some of us it is more difficult than others to respond diplomatically, tactfully and respectfully when there seems to be a misunderstanding brewing – we expect them to try harder to understand what we’re getting at.

If handled correctly a simple willingness to open up and at least share responsibility for being better understood may be the most dynamic and powerful tool you can use when communicating with a coworker. Typically, individuals are more likely to respond to a respectful approach better than any other.

It is well documented that when each party to a communication really wants to clearly understand what the other person means by the words they are using – where these two people share goodwill toward one another, an environment can be quickly created and easily maintained that fosters cooperation in all things.

Like anything that is planted in fertile soil, tended to, nourished, and fed regularly – shared goals for the future will over take and eventually crowd out all miscommunications, misunderstandings, and the resulting conflict in workplace.

When It Comes To Conflict in Workplace – Hidden Behaviors Provide Early Warning Clues

admin — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 06:00:59 +0000

Is it possible that our behaviors are a tip off that conflict is present in our organization, undercover conflict, what I call “double secret” conflict?

It’s double secret because everyone goes around smiling at each other, even actually liking one another, playing on the softball team together – while at the same time they’re just waiting for the right moment to submarine your plans, and sabotage your strategies.

I have found it to be true, I bet you have too, that no matter what I say and no matter how I say I feel about a coworker, supervisor, or boss – it’s what I end up doing that proves what I actually believe.

We think we can tell from someone’s non-verbal communications when they are conflicted, upset, etc.

We might sense it in their posture of aggression, their hostile gestures, their unwillingness to make eye contact, or maybe the silent treatment when we’re around.

We think we’re pretty good at figuring out who’s on the team and who is ready to drop the big one. Too bad, another myth busted.

The really difficult people are those that smile and say how are you – then slip the knife in when you’re not looking.

For instance one of your coworkers says that they want to be cooperative, they want to share in the information gathering, they want to be part of the team willingly pitching in to help in the accumulation of information around which important plans for the businesses future are being made.

But in reality they withhold critical information until you come begging for it, they incorporate the famous “if they don’t ask, I won’t tell” policy. Until, that is, they can demonstrate their superiority by questioning the final decision in light of what they know nobody else knows.

It doesn’t matter to them that the organization has wasted time, energy, and money coming to an erroneous conclusion because of the missing information.

Or they can smile and go along with the planning process, never telling anyone this key information. The decisions are flawed and the organization loses money as a result.

Decisions made without all relevant input can be devastatingly costly. In addition the cost of decisions not made or directions not taken can never be accurately calculated.

We pay dearly when members of our teams put their desire for power, their interest in getting over on the company or the boss ahead of doing what’s right.

When the boss thinks they have a saboteur in their midst, they often try to appease them rather than fire them, discipline them, or even have a constructive conflict resolution intended discussion with them.

Our organizations are full of people we can not fire , and almost no one has a preemptive workplace conflict resolution strategy designed to seek out conflicts when they are still blips just barely visible on the screen.

The manipulators among us will try to get the boss to take their side in the matter. Or maybe they will report their findings to their supervisor in a way to suggest that only they were capable of ferreting out this information and bring it to them.

Unfortunately the boss, who always sees through the ploy, will go along with it just to keep things moving forward.

Every organization is made up of steps, the “critical path” – where something must be done by someone else in order for you to do your job and you must do your job in order for the next person to do theirs.

Manipulators understand this all too well – so they work their game on their fellow employees, knowing that their power is in the ability to blockade the process. Their coworkers, again always knowing what’s happening – will go along so the process can move along.

How much time do you think is consumed needlessly with these maneuvers? How much money, actual dollars off the bottom line and out the door is this “double secret” conflict costing your organization?

Is there anything you can do about it?

The answer, it depends. It depends on whether or not the person is sacred (can not be dealt with in any productive way) because of their position in the business or the family. If this is true your choices are limited to those with the power in the organization are willing to exert. Often the business collapse because of situations like this.

On the other hand if they are, as is usually the case, good people who want to do better – but have behavioral issues or other issues that conspire to put them in the role of problem instigator, there is hope.

And that hope comes from the organization’s leaders willingness to put in place a conflict prevention strategy around the principle that we are all different and that the key to our long term success is our willingness to work hard at managing those differences whenever they exist .

Workplace Conflict, is it Destructive or Creative?

admin — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 05:00:59 +0000

Whenever you work with people, conflict is inevitable. The tension created by daily conflict either results in wasted time, decreased productivity, and poor decisions or the sort of internal competition that pushes each individual to do their best, if for no other reason that convince their coworkers that they can do it.

This inevitable conflict is either destructive or creative. The destructive conflict is toxic to relationships and hurts people and organizations and this is the one that needs managing. In my experience creative conflict seems to be cultural in nature. It’s how the people themselves react and address each other and the situations they face together.

If you’ve ever seen “American Chopper” on the Discovery Channel you know what I mean by creative conflict. There is a lot of yelling going on. These guys are not shy about sharing their opinions when they disagree with one another. If you were a stranger who walked into their shop you might think WWIII had broken out.

In fact, that is how they relate to one another – there is no ambiguity, they tell it like it is in the moment. Imagine how much more they accomplish because they use the tension to air their different opinions, right now – and then get on with it. It’s possible that this is just a TV show and these guys have nice quiet meetings in the board room, listening to various committee reports, before the speak up, but that’s not likely. I bet they are who we see them as being.

In three decades working with family businesses I have seen dozens and dozens of companies who harness conflict creatively, and in so doing get the most out of everyone as well as optimum results overall. They don’t waste time on what’s not working just because it was the bosses idea. They stop what they’re doing and point out the other person’s mistake then show them how to fix it. Nothing and no one or their opinion is sacred – it’s all about getting the job done.

Sadly I have seen experts try to get them to change their behavior, be more polite to one another and offer more politically correct input in an ever more constructive manner. In other words they (the experts) want other people to be more like them.

So instead of helping their clients manage the destructive conflict that exists, they are offering suggestions on how to fix what isn’t broken.

I am talking about the conflict that distracts employees and managers from otherwise productive use of their time. Studies reveal that up to 30% of a typical managers time is spent dealing with conflict. And that 42 percent of their time is spent reaching agreements with others when conflicts occur.

Sometimes destructive conflict is simply because the people don’t like each other. In the universe of family owned companies sometimes brothers, sisters, cousins, and in-laws are thrown together in ways none of them like. Conflict is the only way they have of displaying the frustration they feel about the situation they’re in.

It is no wonder that an estimated 65% of performance problems result from strained relationships like these. Between employees who are not happy with each other – not from deficits in their training, skill, or motivation.

The most common way that destructive conflict shows up is about “how” a certain task should be accomplished. I met a farmer once whose son (age 50) refused to do things the way he wanted them done. He sited an example by driving me on the back of his four wheeler (you could not get there any other way) to a field that illustrated his point.

He and his father before him had always plowed the field north to south – his son was plowing it east to west. I am not making this up. It didn’t have anything to do with soil erosion, conservation, or the environment – he was doing it this way against his dad’s wishes, just to get his goat. And it was working.

I bet you can think of things at your company that are being done a certain way because that’s the way they’ve always been done. And if you’re the one who wants to change history, good luck!

Destructive conflict about how things are being done, what things are being done, and whether or not a certain thing should even be done can paralyze the organization.

Wasted time arguing about things that don’t matter, an unwillingness to consider another person’s point of view based on their experience, and the blame game when the results are in all cry out for a self-help process you can use to manage your differences so that all conflict is creative.

The end result of a successful self-help mediation process is that you (as a group) turn together and focus on the challenge or opportunity you all face. You see the problem as the stumbling block and not your coworker.

Self-help mediation tools allow two individuals the opportunity to discuss their assumptions about the other person’s motives. In many conflicts the simple process of testing these assumptions face to face using active listening skills will resolve the issue entirely, because the parties realize the conflict is simply a misunderstanding.

Self-help mediation tools pave the way for more effective decision making. Obviously decisions made under conditions of conflict are going to be inferior to decisions made when cooperation prevails. If ongoing conflict (even a low grade resistance to cooperation) is present between people who share decision-making authority, the resulting decisions are likely to be flawed by the power struggles between those people.

As business owners we know that good decisions must be based on an optimum quality and quantity of objective information. So when information is withheld or distorted by those we are depending on to provide it, the decision cannot be the best one possible.

There is now doubt, workplace conflict resolution strategies – especially those that will allow you to do it yourself – will save you money, time, energy, and enhance your workplace by helping you make better decisions, retain your best employees, and design a future course for the business everyone will actively support!

It’s Not The Conflict You Know About That’s Killing Your Profits

admin — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 14:43:59 +0000

As business owners we are often trapped by the unintended results of untested assumptions. After all we’ve been in business a while, maybe a long while, and we’ve been successful so far.

Often that only means we’ve guessed right about trends, our competitors, what products to stock etc. – more often than we’ve been wrong. What’s the expression, “It’s better to be lucky that good?”

Well when it comes to managing workplace conflict being lucky is all we often have going for us. What if our luck runs out?

Let’s say that everything seems OK, no confrontations and no harsh words so we assume everyone is happy and working at optimum effectiveness. So, using the time honored tradition of “letting sleeping dogs lie” you just go on your merry way.

Since the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” rule is being applied the last thing you want to do is engage your managers and employees in honest communications. And you sure don’t want to try to institute a conflict resolution and management strategy. Hey, why rock the boat – things are fine the way they are.

However, every company has a conflict management strategy in place, on purpose of by default. In the default program you just assume that when there is no smoke there is no fire. This could be the death of your company and your happy home.

Here are three business killing problems that are the result of this unseen quiet conflict.

First are the costs associated with a gradual lowering of productivity and motivation. Rather than coming back from their car and opening the store when someone swings into the parking lot just after closing, they pretend they don’t see them and drive away – leaving the customer (or now ex-customer) fuming in the parking lot.

Instead of coming in early to meet a customer, skipping lunch so a package can be ready when the UPS driver makes his pick up, or volunteering to work after closing on the month end report. Subtle, “it’s not my job” feeling begin to spread around the business.

What is the cost of this to you, to them, your customers, etc.? How can the trend be reversed?

Second is the real money out of your pocket costs associated with employee theft, damage, or even vandalism. Someone leaves the keys in the back door “accidentally” and a bunch of kids trash the place.

One of your “trusted” employees leaves a truck in gear when they get out to check how close it is to the building, and it crashes into a customer’s car in the parking lot. Or someone “carelessly” mislabels an entire shipment that must be replaced and overnighted to the customer at great expense. i think you get the point.

Each of these examples could have been an accident or not. Each of them took money right out of your pocket.

Finally the worst possible scenario – decisions made by silently disgruntled managers. You may never know the actual cost. You trusted them to use their best judgement. You looked to them to investigate alternatives. You counted on them to put the company first. And if they didn’t you won’t know which decisions were flawed intentionally, even after the fact.

Decisions that drastically impact performance and profitability are often so buried in the labyrinth of actions that make up the steps leading to the final decision – the one you signed off on, that you’ll never know it.

So, what can you do?

Well you could buy a book, I know a couple of really good ones. You could do nothing, hope for the best and be willing to live with the results you’re achieving until something boils over so you can confront it. Or you can begin a campaign of communication between yourself and your managers and employees.

In my experience this simple, yet often difficult process is the first step. About 100% of the problems we’ve seen in the workplace are the result of assumptions and expectations about the present and future of the individual – based on mixed messages and untested assumptions arising from those mixed messages.

Lewis Carroll, in “Alice in Wonderland” said it perfectly, “I know you believe you understand what you
think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” It makes me wonder if he ever worked in the family business.

Open communications up and down the chain clear the air, establish real expectations and have the result of getting everybody on board.

The second step in the process is to get outside help, not advice – help from your peers. Other people like you in situations like yours and in your industry are the folks perfectly positioned to be a sounding board and an advocate. These peers will help you and you them as you all deal with the issues that will make a huge difference in your future.

Just because everybody seems happy, doesn’t mean there is no hidden deadly conflict brewing.

Conflict in Workplace? How Much is Workplace Costing Your Organization

admin — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 00:50:45 +0000

Conflict in the workplace, assuming it is an actual pitched battle between employees.

Fist fights on the loading dock for instance, or between supervisors who start malicious rumors about one another, is easy to see.

Even so the dollar cost of such obvious conflict is rarely measured.

Other, much more subtle forms of conflict in workplace, such as intimidation or bullying are never measured.

Not only does this sort of conduct often become “he said – he said” with the taking of sides the only result, it is usually not seen by management as conflict in the traditional sense, so not attempt to resolve it takes place.

The powers that be wait patiently on the sidelines until it all blows over or until there is some other reason to step in and make a personnel decision.

Workplace conflict resolution is applied, and applied sparingly I might add, often as a last resort – when it should have been the very first step.

No matter if your workplace looks like WWI, with everyone dug in to their own trenches firing volley’s across a wasteland of desks, cubicles, warehouses, and fields, or if everyone is so polite to each other it’s disgusting – while sniping behind their backs, one thing is clear. The behavior is wasting time, everyone’s time, and time is money after all.

Since it’s often impossible to tell how much or how little is going on inside someone’s head, maybe your people are simply conflicted about their relationship at home. and that has caused them to ‘shut down’ – they look productive, but nothing is happening. The bottom line results are the same – they are wasting their time on the job and your money.

I am no accountant so ask yours how much actual money is erased directly from your organization’s bottom line when two employees can’t or won’t work together cooperatively. There is the money you were paying them at the time they were not productive, that’s a given.

What about the money you lose because the people who report to them can’t complete their tasks because they have not received the results these two individuals are squabbling over. There are also all the indirect costs that account for another 30% of payroll or more. Then imagine a couple of these ongoing conflicts taking place somewhere with someone all the time.

As tough as business is right now I am amazed that you have not picked up on this and that your employees are not doing everything possible to work together effectively. I am flabbergasted by some of the stories I hear, people just unwilling to work together while their company is struggling to survive. And how supervisors and business owners are doing nothing to measure the actual cost of wasted time.

Be sure to tell your accountant that when calculating the organizational cost of wasted time, that they should be conservative with their estimates.

A cost of conflict calculator will consider all the variables you input in order to generate its results. If they’re not very conservative – their results will be so large as to be mind-blowing, and if you try to present them to your Board or your employees you will lose credibility. No one will believe the numbers.

When the numbers look too big your employees will either discount them as not being possible, just your accountant over reacting to the way things always are around here or they seem too big to actually do anything about. When that happens, getting buy-in for whatever corrective action you might want to take becomes even more difficult.

When it come to the real financial cost of wasted time in the workplace, it s an eye opening experience when you or your accountant measures it for the first time.

Problem: Conflict in Workplace – Result: People Quit

admin — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:52:32 +0000

65% of voluntary terminations are the result of unresolved workplace conflict!

Not the sort of workplace conflict that turns nice people into bar brawlers or food fight participants in the company cafeteria or neighborhood diner.

I’m talking about “double secret” conflict – the most damaging kind.

Why do I call it “double secret” workplace conflict? Because most conflict in workplace is misdiagnosed as bad people doing bad things to each other for some unknown reason.

Most of the time “double secret” workplace conflict is invisible to the naked eye.

People act nice toward one another and seem to be cooperating and doing what they’ve been tasked to do, but things never work out right, for no apparent reason.

Unresolved “double secret” conflict in workplace shows up in the results arising from it, such as poor business decisions. No matter how large or how small your organization the best decisions are those made jointly by the right people with the good of the whole as their sole motivation.

When one person feels that the only way they can “get back at” one of their team members or the organization in general – they may sabotage decisions, sometimes causing great harm.

By taking the attitude that their ideas are the only ones worth considering they force others to bend to their will. By delaying their own investigation into the alternatives they can put off decisions until they get their own way or until the decision is made without them – putting them in a prime “why didn’t you wait for my input” position if things go bad.

Look at your own organization – see how creative the other people are at manipulating you until they get their own way.

Another way that “double secret” conflict in workplace rears its ugly head is in turf wars and the dreaded NIH syndrome that is often displayed by the instigators. Turf wars are designed to keep people away from what’s yours. If they can’t get in and you can decide what gets out – they have to take your decisions at face value, whether they are accurate or disabling or not.

Business decisions made when only one person has access to the information upon which the decisions are based are flawed at best.

When the NIH syndrome is in place, ideas not invented here, are rejected out of hand. This may not look like conflict to you, if your vision of workplace conflict resembles the gunfight at the OK Corral, but it is just as deadly. When decisions are made based on untested assumptions they are rarely the best decisions possible.

The NIH syndrome insures that no one else’s input is considered – and the organization comes up the loser.

What should you do if you think there is “double secret” conflict in the workplace where you are? Most of you will probably continue to try to ignore it, put it down to other causes – things you can’t do anything about, so you won’t have to deal with it, or just figure it comes with the territory.

A few of you will look for a solution, but you will find them illusive – because you really can’t pinpoint a specific example and random poking around and generalizations only make people mad. The culprits go way under cover or fight back with such venom you’re sorry you ever thought it would work.

For those of you who are serious about dealing head on with “double secret” conflict in workplace, setting up programs or policies that offer workplace conflict resolution – well, you need help. By help I mean motivation – something people will pay attention to, like money, profit, additions to your bottom line – however you characterize the positive side of the ledger.

In other words you need to figure out how to quantify the loses resulting from “double secret” workplace conflict. There are those in your organization who do not realize the role they are playing, others who would like to be noticed and taken into consideration in identifying the hidden conflict related issues, and those who sincerely do not want to be part of a productive team who need to be identified, so they can be replaced.

For two dozen years I have seen that the only thing that motivates the majority of organizations – moves them from tacit acquiescence of discomfort to an environment of total cooperation, is the money.

People must see the bottom line dollars and cents cost of the conflicts taking place before they will be willing to put up with the temporary discomfort of doing something about it.

Successful organization leaders understand that a key ingredient of success is the development and maintenance of shared goals for the future – shared by everyone in the organization. They also instinctively realize the stressful impact of workplace conflict, whether overt or covert, and appreciate how workplace conflict resolution strategies offer concrete savings to the individuals and the organization.

Family Business Workplace Conflict Resolution » Conflict Strategies

What do you think you’re worth?

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How We Miscommunicate Makes Workplace Conflict Resolution More Difficult

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Problem: Conflict in Workplace – Result: People Quit

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