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in the way of our objective. Just remember the golden rule of resolution: If you react out of emotion, then you automatically lose.

Step 3: Reduce Their Tension
Now that you have your own emotions under control, now is the time to address the other side’s feelings and emotions. Remember that feelings need to be stabilized before the problem can even be addressed.

Also remember that what you are feeling may not be what the other person is feeling. You may think that the situation is a simple misunderstanding, but the other person might think you are attacking them personally. Stabilize those feelings by actively listening to them without judging or taking offense at what they have to say, acknowledging their points, and empathizing with them.

Step 4: Persuade
After stabilizing the feelings and emotions involved, you now can direct your attention at meeting their needs with your own. The true essence of persuasion is reframing their demands into what they actually need. Positions are the demands, wants, and unreasonable requests that the other side makes.

There is only one way to satisfy their position that they initially take, but there are many creative ways to satisfy their actual needs and interests. Their needs lie underneath their demands and it’s your job to start digging to uncover these needs.

The ability to persuade is the ability to uncover their needs with question-asking and finding compatible interests that you both share. For example, John might reject my idea on a company project and insist on his own way by shooting down my idea. While his position is “his way” versus “my way,” our interests are the same—completing the project in the best way possible.

Therefore my ability to persuade John is by not focusing on who’s method is the right one, but instead, focusing on our shared interest in getting the project done right. Objective criteria can be used as a fair standard to determine a fair direction to follow.

Objective criteria involves a set benchmark or past decision to align your decision-making upon. An example of an objective criteria is looking up the fair market price when selling your used car. It provides you with a reference point to base your negotiation.

Step 5: Options
It’s a fundamental human need for autonomy in life—to exercise the freedom of independence and choice. Therefore, by “expanding the pie” by creating mutually-satisfying options that work for both of you, you can create a win-win atmosphere by providing more choices to choose from beside the obvious demands initially stated.

Instead of forcing your views on the other person, create as many workable options as possible for the other side to consider. Brainstorm on possible options together so that both of you have equal say in the final solution.

Step 6: Solutions
After giving your partner as many options that work for both of you as possible, allow them the freedom to choose which option they want to convert into a solution and put into action.

By guiding rather than forcing, you can lead them in towards a cooperative outcome. But lets say, they are still uncooperative and things are not looking fruitful for you. Then your solution is to slowly introduce that plan B that you have in your pocket as an alternative to the negotiation.

Often times, having this plan B will be enough to bring your partner back to the negotiating table. Whenever you feel that what you can get from the other side is LESS than what your plan B is, then your solution is to terminate negotiations and implement that plan B.

Key Points

P = Plan B—Have a back-up plan ready before engaging the conflict.
E = Emotional Control—If you react, then you automatically lose the game.
R = Reduce Tension—Stabilize the feelings involved before engaging the problem.
P = Persuade—Dig underneath their demands to uncover their needs and interests.
O = Options—Cooperatively create many options that satisfy both your needs.
S = Solutions—Let them choose a solution, or revert back to your plan B.

For over 10 years, Tristan Loo has inspired, motivated, and brought success to the lives of the people he’s touched. Successful in his own right, Tristan has competed athletically against Olympians as a world-class gymnast, saved lives as a police officer, authored numerous Personal Development and Interpersonal Communication books and articles, and is a highly sought-after Personal Development Coach. Tristan is the founder of the Synergy Institute, a San Diego based Personal Development Firm. His philosophy of passionate living and helping others fulfill their dreams has continually been the driving force that has placed him well above the industry standard. Visit Tristan's website at http://www.synergyinstituteonline.com or by email at info@synergyinstituteonline.com

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