However when enough effort is put into figuring out and articulating what's important, people often begin to see that since the business is the vehicle for them to achieve their objectives, the and disagreements that negatively impact it - hurt them too.

In the process of isolating what's important I look for their opinion of the situation currently. As they talk about the way things are now, in light of their own future goals and objectives, they may begin to see the reasoning and importance of the way things are being done. Or not. Either is Ok, as long as we get it out in the open.

Parenthetically, most workplace conflicts center around "how" things are being done rather than "what" is being done, so when people align their thinking around where they want the business to take them, they often become less hung up on doing it (whatever 'it' is) "their" way. It really does become them as a group against the problems and challenges in their way - versus carping about each other's styles and techniques.

Once each individual has had their say it's time to put together a picture of what everyone says they want the future to look like - considered as a group. In my three decades of experience helping family businesses through this process I find that at this point there is far more agreement than disagreement.

Following this round of individual meetings a group meeting is held. This is often a tough one because even though each person has bought into the idea of looking forward together, there will be attempts to bring up past perceived slights and justification for previous behavior. It's important that whoever is facilitating this meeting keep it focused on the future rather than the past.

At this point it's time to determine what's possible based on the goals of everyone. This is where I typically want their traditional advisors, attorney, accountant, life insurance agent, involved. These are the people who will create the documents that will guarantee that the desires of the family are achieved.

If you bring them into the discussion too soon their recommendations may reflect the wishes of one party or another - thus the continues. Also they will not have the benefit of having each person's desires clearly stated - so they can weave the wishes of everyone together to create a result everyone can get behind.

Once the documents are in place to guarantee the commitments everyone has made about the future, the conflicts of the past can be forgotten and the conflicts of the present and the future can be eliminated.

When everyone is in the boat together and everyone is depending on everyone else to keep rowing toward a common destination - how you (or they) are holding your ores just won't matter.

Wayne Messick is the publisher of articles to help you grow your business at www.iBizResources.com/article_directory/ If you are a business owner wanting to leverage what you are already doing right visit the Peer Groups area of our website. If you are a business advisor wanting to maximize your potential,here are strategies we are using to generate record revenues..

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